Hii Guys!! how's it going? Well lately I have been feeling a little down like, I am in this state a mini depression and I don't know what to do. This is going to be really hard for to me to explain but bear with me. (Also I know it's not Sunday but this couldn't wait)
Honestly, I have recently started to think about giving up on my dreams and just life in general.... that's why I haven't been on my blog in a while. I haven't felt the need to continue because...well....of a lot things. I have just been feeling really lost and I don't know what to do. I am in college right now and this is my last year and I have really big decisions to make. I will have to move out of my mom's house and live on my own and pay bills and ALL that fun stuff but....that is not really what I am scared of I guess it more of will I be able to achieve my dreams after college. You all know that I want to be a K-pop idol but that dream is coming up short now because I am 22 years old and we all know that.....okay the younger the better chances you have of becoming a K-pop idol and I feel like year by year me becoming a K-pop idol is becoming a hopeless dream now and if I am not able to become k-pop idol than....WHAT WILL I DO! I have plans of things I could do. I don't always have to go the "standard" way of becoming a K-pop idol I can do my way and still succeed BUT I don't know where to start and I don't want to make the wrong decisions....basically what I saying is I DON'T WANT TO FAIL! I don't want to feel like I wasted 22 years of my life for NOTHING! I just can't help but feel like I shouldn't have come to college I should have been more serious about my future. When I was younger I was care-free and I thought that I will never get old...but now that I am getting older I can see that I will not live forever and if I just waste my life away it would make me feel like my life was meaningless. I honestly don't know what the point was of me even coming to college! I feel like such a failure and I have had SO MANY setbacks! I just wish I knew what God's plan for me was so I can just focus on that. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the dream that I do. Why couldn't I have wanted to be a doctor? or a lawyer? just something that's "normal" than I wouldn't be going through all this! I feel so lost at times and depressed because I don't know whats next for me, I don't know if becoming a K-pop idol is my TRUE calling or just a distraction. The next day is not guarantee you know...I just want to know what's my mission, my purpose and I feel like if I haven't figured it out by now....what's the point....I never will.
BUT I think that IS the point! Life isn't meant to be a planned thing, because let's be honest things don't always go the way you planned B) I think life is meant to be adventurous, outrageous, random, bold, and breathtaking. And I am ONLY 22 years old! if God willing I have a WHOLE life ahead of me! this isn't the end of a chapter its just the beginning! Honestly I don't know what K-pop companies are looking for. One day the could want someone that's 14 and the next day want someone that 26 WHO KNOWS?!?! it really is ALL about what they want to do for their next project so I am not going let my "age" stop me! AND even if I don't make it into a K-pop company I can say I tried and have NO REGRET! PLUS Korea isn't the only place I can become an idol! I can be a J-pop idol, a C-pop idol, and USA idol, etc... so no need to worry! B) PLUS finding "my purpose" will be a fun and adventurous journey because IT'S NOT ABOUT FINDING WHO YOU ARE, IT'S ABOUT DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE!!! really....who says I have to have all the answers to the questions of life right now! I don't have to rush and I can go at my own pace! I am NOT wasting my life away I am just finishing a chapter and starting a new one! I am happy that I don't have "normal" dreams it shows that I am creative, I'm free-spirited and let's be honest....the dreams won't be there if they weren't meant for me.
Alright guys, I hope this has lifted your spirits it most certainly has with mine and to all of my authors out there writing their stories. Your life is your story, so write the very best ones that you possibly can! SEE YA!!!!
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