Recap Of 2018!

Hey Guys! Long time no see!

Before we start I just want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! HELLO 2019!!!

I have A TON planned for this year and I'm super excited and pumped about what I want to do this year.

Last year, I had just moved to South Korea as an English teacher and I would be lying if I said it wasn't difficult adjusting to my new life here. I faced and went through many obstacles and challenges. But I just had my triumphs and some mini victories regarding my journey to becoming a K-pop idol!

This post is just gonna be a recap of all the things I did working towards my goal last year.

I attended SEVERAL auditions for Korean entertainment companies such as; SM, JYP and Pledis entertainment

SM entertainment Audition

Pledis Entertainment Audition

JYP Entertainment Audition

I reached over a HUNDRED subscribers on my YouTube channel ^_^

I enrolled at YGX Academy and have been taking classes there

I met EXP Edition

I lost over 30lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then

Now

The year was pretty good for me! but now that it's a NEW YEAR it's a NEW ME lol xD

But in all seriousness, a good friend of mine said this to me and it will stick with me this entire year. "Last year was the year of adjusting but THIS YEAR is the year of DOING!!!" 

So with that being said there is a LOT I want to do!!! and I am going to DO IT!!! No more holding back I'm gonna stay consistent and focused!!! This year is going to be my year!!!

I also encourage ANYONE & EVERYONE to let this be their year of DOING!!! What is it that you have ALWAYS wanted to do???  And ask yourself, "Are you doing it?" If not, why? Believe in yourself, trust yourself, you have everything you need to start all you have to do now is...just start.

The Curious Case of EXP EDITION: Are they K-pop or Not? Part 1 - The History of EXP EDITION

Hello Everyone! I'm back with another blog post for you guys. I'm really passionate about this topic I'm going to discuss simply because the arguments that surround this group correspond with the topics I have been discussing on this blog for a while now.

 EXP EDITION

EXP EDITION have recently made a comeback this January with their title song, Stress, off of their first mini album, FIRST EDITION. 

I think the song is amazing! If you haven’t, go check it out. You should also go listen to their album; it has a really good collection of songs and just an all-around great album.

Now, I’m pretty sure everyone knows about EXP EDITION and if you don’t I am glad that you are learning about them here.Ever since word hit the surface about them back in 2015, now more recently 2017 with their debut title track, Feel Like This, they have definitely caused an uproar within the K-pop community. Just their overall EXISTENCE has rubbed people the wrong way but for what reasons? I wanted to make a post about them a while ago when they debuted in 2017 but I wanted to wait until their comeback to see how people would react to them and everything would start to unfold. BUT now the group have returned with their comeback title track, STRESS, along with their first mini album, FIRST EDITION. I have seen the overall reactions and NOW I feel like I can fully dive into this group.

EXP EDITION forces the K-pop community to discuss so many topics that I will be breaking this up into a part series. This first blog post will explain the deep history of EXP EDITION. I always think it's a good idea to do heavy research and find out about the history that way you are informed and can place better arguments. Plus, I want to make sure that we are all on the same page and everything is clear because I see that a bunch a people don't really know the history of EXP EDITION so I wanted to take some time and cover it here so we can fully understand the creation of the group, their motives, their current situation and any arguments that will be presented in this blog post.

THE HISTORY OF EXP EDITION

BRIEF INTRODUCTION

Group Name: EXP EDITION

Official Debut Date: April 17, 2017

Official Debut song: “Feel Like This”

Members: [from left to right] Hunter, Frankie, Sime, Koki 

Label: IMMABB
Slogan: borninNYmadeinSEOUL

Fanclub Name: BB

Fun Facts:

·         EXP EDITION is the first and only non-Korean K-pop group.

·         EXP EDITION is the first K-pop band made by three Korean women.

·         EXP EDITION started out as an EXP experimental project of a Columbia University graduate student.

·         Before EXP EDITION, the members were professional actors, dancers, modeling and musical theater performers in New York.

·         Write their own lyrics for their songs.

A lot people think that this is the very beginning of EXP EDITION but people don't know that the EXP EDITION we see today is actually not how they started.


BORA KIM AND THE IDEA OF EXP 

The idea of EXP EDITION came about in 2012 when international mega superstar, PSY, took the world by storm and became a worldwide phenomenon with his viral hit, “Gangnam Style”. PSY seemed to have become an overnight success and this took the interest of three Korean university women, Bora Kim, Karin Kuroda and Samantha Shao.  Kim Bora is a Korean student in interdisciplinary studies and sociology, and has based her thesis on in-depth cultural research “around the spectacle and performance of Asian femininity, particularly in the context of global media.” She teamed up with Karin ]Kuroda, who studies post-colonial theory and pop culture (photography, sculpture, fashion, and art criticism), and Samantha Shao, who studied Arts Administration at Maastricht University, in Netherlands.³  The journey of Bora Kim, Karin Kuroda and Samantha Shao began last October, when they first sat down and talked about how gender is performed in pop culture, and how it relates to many other issues in our globalized society. In addition to being participants of the fine art world (artists, researchers, creatives), they are also huge fans of K-pop music. And so, the question arose, “How do these two spheres of interest, mirror one another?” ⁴

Bora Kim’s Statement:

“I was interested in researching the phenomenon of the Korean Wave, and the commercial success of K-pop especially, on a global scale. It was almost an overnight explosion with PSY’s ‘Gangnam Style,’ and the way that the Korean press and public dealt with this phenomenon intrigued me. I thought it was very important and poignant that, as a post-colonial country, Korea had successfully managed to export cultural goods to other Asian countries and soon after, ‘the West’…

[She continued to explain the double standard that comes with K-pop as well. Though the music genre has proven popular overseas with K-pop proudly becoming part of South Korea’s national identity, K-pop idols continue to receive endless criticism from the Korean public.]

And so, she continued, “I was interested in K-pop and Idol Groups on this level initially as I was thinking about cultural flow, or the relationship of dominant culture and peripheral culture, and how that is interwoven with one’s identity or one’s national identity. I wanted to see what would happen if I made American boys into K-pop performers, by teaching them how to sing in Korean and act like Korean boys, and complicate this flow/appropriation even more, since I’m in New York, where so many talents are just one online recruitment ad away.” ³

After much thought and consideration, one thing became clear. In order to demonstrate these concepts, they had to make a boy band, from scratch. ⁴ 

THE MAKING OF IMMABB AND EXP 

I’m Making A Boy Band (IMMABB), initiated by Korean Columbia MFA graduate Bora Kim, is a small dedicated team who been working hard since October of 2014 on a small budget, many people assume we are a huge company who spent an immense amount of money to produce this project, but in reality we’ve made amazing strides with extremely limited financial resources, to produce a project that music corporations would typically launch. We have established production, communication, development, administrative and research divisions in order to strategically and effectively accomplish the work needed to reach our goals. Most importantly, we approach this project with intentionality and criticality, staying true to the conceptual rigor of the artwork while maintaining the authenticity and energy of the pop experience.⁴ This project uses Korean pop (K-pop) to pose questions about nationhood, cultural appropriation, and gender roles.⁵  EXP has been revealed to have actually sprung forth from a college student Kim Bora’s thesis project, “I’m Making A Boy Band (IMABB)” that aims to “examine critical aspects of pop/business culture through the lens of an artist. By asking oneself what it means to assimilate or twist the rudimentary formula in K-pop ‘idol’ culture, this project highlights societal issues on a global and personal level.”³

After the formation of IMMABB, EXP was in the process for being formed. Bora Kim, CEO of IMMABB, used scouting websites to find young talented hopefuls to audition for the project.

We had three auditions. At first, we screened mostly from appearance because in K-pop it’s very much about the visuals. But we discovered it’s really important to work with people who have talent and experience. We also came to realize that how we phrased [IMMABB] could help get us who we wanted.⁵

All of the members EXP were professional actors, dancers, models, singers and musical theater.
After auditioning hundreds of applicants, the team cast their very own band which consists of six charming and talented boys: Hunter, Frankie, David, Sime, Tarion and Koki. Together, they became EXP.
They would eventually release their first single, “Luv/Wrong”.

EXP is the first New York based K-pop boy band. The name of EXP came from “experiment”, to emphasize the importance of innovation, risk taking and challenges. More specifically, EXP is influenced by talented K-pop idol groups like EXO, BIG BANG and BTS. K-pop definitely includes and is inspired by a wide range of genres, similar to any other pop music. However, what makes K-pop different is its emphasis on the idea of "visible music," characterized by its high production quality and charming ability to engage viewers. Its shinier, more energetic and nostalgic yet contemporary. The members of EXP aspire to reach the level upheld by the K-pop industry- an industry of highly talented and humble performers.

A project initiated by artist Bora Kim, "I'm Making a Boy Band,” (IMMABB) consists of three main elements: pop music, contemporary visual art and documentary film. IMMABB brings issues such as cultural appropriation and gender performativity into the actual surface of the entertainment sector, beginning with the fact that none of the EXP members are Korean, which begins to deconstruct concepts of race and representation in media. In an age of cultural homogenization, IMMABB questions the meaning of both pop and art in relation to

hybridity, assimilation, and identity. As an artwork, the project not only aims to reflect reality, but also present and re-present a rhizomatic, challenging, and perhaps spectacular version of the diverse world itself.⁴

OH! I forget to mention their second single they released in NY titled, Nolja Let's Party! 

FROM EXP TO EXP EDITION

Fast forward from 2015 to 2016, EXP were still in an experimental phase and one member of the group, David, left the group to go pursue modeling and so the group went from 6 to 5. 

The group then released they 2nd single, Nolja Let's Party!

Here's a dance version

At this time EXP are still training and doing performances in New York and at this point they were working on releasing their first mini album and were going to release singles and music videos.

Their every day schedule would be early mornings starting off with 2 hour Korean classes followed by vocal and dance lessons. Then they would go and perform at night

They had plans to release their first mini album but it got delayed probably due to low funds. But thankfully during this time they were getting a lot of media attention from tons an American outlets which allowed to stay busy doing live performances and earning money. This is also the time where the guys wanted to take the EXPeriment to the next level and debut as an actual K-pop group and see if they could make it as a kpop boy group.

In August of 2016, EXP, using the money they raised, moved from New York to South Korea to make their official debut as a K-pop boy group.

But unfortunately, Tarion, the fifth member of EXP left the group before for personal reasons before their departure to South Korea leaving only four remaining members of EXP; which are, Sime, Frankie, Koki and Hunter.

While in South Korea, they continued their training in Korean, singing and dancing; even til this day they still take 2 hours of Korean classes.

With the changing from an experimental thesis project to an official K-pop group their name also needed to change. They eventually changed their name from EXP to EXP EDITION as a sign that they have moved on from the experiment in New York and are setting a new course and going on an expedition in South Korea.

EXP EDITION made their first Korean TV debut on the popular show, I Can See You Voice. They performed a cover of Super Junior’s popular hit single, U, in front of the special guest on the show which happened to be the members of Super Junior themselves! EXP EDITION wowed the audience and Super Junior with their impressive performance.

On April 17, 2017 EXP EDITION debuted with their title track, “Feel Like This” and had their debut on Show Champion. 

This is a behind the scenes video of their first live performance of, Feel Like This. 

Since then, they have stayed pretty active in the K-pop industry. 

AS A GROUP

• They did a ton of live performances and concerts outside of music shows (at colleges, local events. etc...) and busking performances. (Here are some of them) 

• Promoted to the 8th Incheon Airport bbb-day campaign ambassadors. 

bbb Korea is a registered nonprofit corporation established by the Ministry of Culture, Sports and Tourism in order to resolve the language discomfort of foreigners visiting the 2002 World Cup. Since its inception in 2002, 'bbb volunteer', which means to make a world of communication beyond the walls of language, has been participated by about 4,500 volunteers. Exp Edition is the first foreign K-pop idol group in Korea that is made up of Koreans without being Koreans, and was appointed as the ambassador for the bbb Korea bbb-day campaign.  

• Appeared on Arirang TV's, Heart to Heart, and had a full epsidoe on the popular Korean show, My Neighbor Charles. 

• Performed at MAMF (Migrants' Arirang Multicultural Festival) 2017 

• Performed at Roskilde Festival in Denmark.
• Performed at the Beatles Festival.
• Performed at the LBMA (Luxury Brand Model Award) Global Fashion Week of 2017 and received an award for "Global K-pop Best New Artist".
• Were given exclusive features on BNT News, The Korea Times, Korean Foundation for International Cultural Exchange, CNN, SBS Morning Wide, Newsis, etc...  
• Made guest appearances on a variety of radio stations including Arirang. 

INDIVIDUALLY

•  Hunter was a guest radio host on 101.3 MHz, tbseFM "Soundcheck”. 
• Frankie, and sometimes Hunter, has been making regular appearances on Arirang TV's show, Globe Trotters, along side Alex Michin, who some one you might know because he is a TV personality in Korean and has been on many shows. 

• Sime joined, Phantom Singer 2, which is a very popular new singing competition show in Korea. This show is looking to for talented males singers to form a the next powerhouse le divo quartet in South Korea. Sime made it to the semi-finals but unfortunately was eliminated right before the finals. I'm still trying to find where to watch the whole show but I don't think it's on YouTube yet. When I find it I will update this post. 

• Sime also released his debut solo single, I Found You. 

• Koki joined, The Unit, a popular idol reboot show. The main focus of this show is to give veteran idols who haven't struck fame a second chance to make it big. 
• Koki was also casted as a model for a music video. 

  Sunday Moon (선데이문) - Million Miles [Music Video]

• Frankie and Hunter were casted as voice actors for the English dubbing of two very popular K-dramas with one of them being, Descendants of the Sun. 

During this time they were preparing for their comeback, which was suppose to happen in October 2017 but during the last shooting for the music video, during their running scene, Hunter fell and ruptured all the alignments in his right foot and ankle, blacked out and had to be rushed to the hospital. That's why in some of their performances he isn't dancing or he's sitting in chair. This caused their comeback to be delayed until January of 2018 that next year. Here is a video Hunter posted explaining the situation.

Later that year. EXP EDITION had their first Christmas concert. Sime also invited his friends he made on the show, Phantom Singer 2, to do a guest performance. 

Now fast foward to January 2018 after a long delay, EXP EDITION has officially made their comeback with their title track, STRESS along with their first mini album, FIRST EDITION. They did a countdown on V-Live for there comeback. Click Here to watch the video.

Check out FIRST EDITION on Spotify and comeback and tell me what your favorite song off the album is. Mine is, GADAWADA. 

Live of STRESS. 

Dance Practice for STRESS

Here also a video of them doing a interview on Benji's Curtain Talk.

And most recently they got to perform at the 12th Nam June Paik Memorial Service. 

and NOW we are all caught up to the present!!! YEAH!!! ^_^

This comeback has gotten an overall better review than their debut single but I will discuss all that in a later post. 

WHEW!!! Now that was a LOT of information to take in ....let it soak in for minute.....I know it was a lot to take in but at least we are all caught up and, hopefully, all on the same page so NOW we can get into the meat and potatoes of the situation....that's right now we can go in and discuss the REAL question that EVERYONE wants to know...Is EXP EDITION K-pop or Not? Please stay tune for the next post that might take a week or three to get out because I'm in the process of moving (which I'll also tell you where in another post ^_^) BUT I will hopefully have it out sometime later in February. 

Alright! I hope you all enjoyed this post and I will see you guys next time...BYEZ! 

REFERENCES

• 1.       http://kprofiles.com/EXP EDITION-edition-profile/
• 2.       https://www.dramafever.com/news/11-cool-facts-about-the-first-non-korean-k-pop-band-EXP EDITION/
• 3.       https://www.koreaboo.com/news/controversial-foreign-k-pop-boyband-EXP EDITION-revealed-columbia-students-thesis-project/
• 4.       https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1605895527/im-making-a-boy-band-exp-mini-album
• 5.       https://hyperallergic.com/222205/a-social-experiment-a-k-pop-boy-band-with-no-koreans/

I'M A BLACK GIRL AND I'M GOING TO BECOME A K-POP IDOL - Follow Me on My Journey ~

Hello EVERYONE & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!  I’M BACK!!!! Long time no see, literally. BUT I’m back and if you have read the title (which you probably have because I’m pretty sure that’s the reason you clicked on this post right like…duh lol) But let me explain, confirm and inform y’all on this title.

So I recently graduated from the University of South Carolina with my bachelors in Theater YAS!

And I have been thinking about my future and really trying to figure out what I really want to do. I thought about this a lot in college and I went through a lot of stress, which lead to self – doubt and depression and the reason why is because on one hand I wanted to REALLY pursue my dreams and stand in my truth but on the other hand I was scared to be judged negatively by the people I grew up with and being looked at as the “weird one”. A lot of people always thought I would do great things and I didn’t want to let them down. Plus the lifestyle I want to lead doesn’t guarantee success, fame, or financial stability. I didn’t want to be a disappointment in their eyes. I also didn’t want to dishonor my family name. I was so confused and felt trapped in my own confusion and frustration.  I prayed a lot during this time and talked to God asking him what I should do and what is the right path for me and if K-pop wasn’t a part of that path I asked Him to remove it from my life completely but if it was let the love for it [K-pop] grow stronger. I thought I was going to have to let K-pop go but my love for it just keep getting stronger and stronger and it wasn’t until after I graduated and came back home I realized what I have to do; that this was my calling!

It was that time I realized I have to become a K-pop idol/artist. I don’t just want to do it I HAVE TO DO IT! And when I realized it all of my thoughts became clear and I understood my purpose and the reason why I was born. I know this all sounds a little ridiculous right now but these are my honest feelings. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a popstar like Beyoncé, Rihanna, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, etc… but never thought about becoming one until I got into K-pop. I can go into the reasons WHY I want to be a K-pop idol on another post because I have soooooooo many lol! ^_^ 

So after reading ALL of this, you are probably wondering well what’s going to happen to the blog well…NOTHING! The blog will still be here but the content on it will be a little different.

The next chapter of my life will be a whole journey and I want to take y’all on this journey with me and that’s where this blog comes in. I will be using this blog to show y’all my journey to becoming a K-pop idol/artist. This blog will go through some rebranding but the concept and idea of it will still be the same. I still want this blog to inspire y’all to not be scared to follow your dreams and that you can do anything you set your mind to. Y’all have no idea how many comments I get on a daily from Black, White and Hispanic people; and even Southeast Asians from India,  the Phillipines, Singapore, etc… asking if they could be K-pop idols/artists even if they’re not East Asian. And I gave the best advice telling them they could but I couldn’t go any farther than that because I am not a K-pop idol and I don’t know any K-pop idols. I felt sad that I couldn’t really give them better advice. So that’s why I will be using this blog and documenting my entire experience because I don’t want you to give up on your dreams and, if I can, help guide and lead you through the right paths. I want to help create a path for ALL NON EAST ASIANS to become K-pop idols because honestly that’s the future of, not only K-pop, but the whole world; the inclusion, representation and acceptance of different races and different cultures.

ALSO I will not only have this blog but I will also have a YouTube channel dedicated to this journey as well. My channel is ThisIsCharlese.  

NOW! I do have short-term goals that I have set for this year in order to reach my overall long-term goal, which is to become a K-pop idol. So…here are a list of my goals.

1.      

1.       MOVE TO SOUTH KOREA! – Out of all of the I have this is the most important one! If I’m going to be a K-pop idol that is the place I will wind up eventually and that is the place that will provide more opportunities. Plus it’s Korean Pop so that would require me to be in Korea.
2.       GLOW UP! – I REALLY need to lose weight, it’s ridiculous how fat I am TT^TT and I also went natural last year so I am growing out my hair. I also need to learn how to do my makeup. I have watched YouTube videos here and there and I really want to learn but makeup is SOOOO EXPENSIVE!!! TT^TT I also want to improve  my fashion so yall might see some stuff about fashion on this blog.
3.            SAVE MONEY – So in order to get to Korea I am going to have to say money to pay for my flight and living and to just plain SURVIVE! So yeah…need money!
4.           LEARN KOREAN & CULTURE – I have been learning Korean on and off since 2012 lol xD If I would have stuck with it I would probably be fluent right now and have one less thing to worry about but meh -.- I also have learned a lot about Korean culture because I am friends with Koreans from Korea and they have taught me a lot about their culture and were happy to share it and teach me about it.
5.       STAY CONSTANT! – When I mean “stay constant” I mean to stick to what I’m doing and to not give up and to stay focused on my goals. I have problems with inconstancy in my life but if I can just be constant and focused I know that I can accomplish ANYTHING!

Overall, these are my main goals for 2018! It’s a new year it’s a new chapter! I can’t lie to yall…I’m nervous and really scared. I’m jumping into unknown territory. I have never done ANYTHING like this before plus I’m doing it all by myself and I don’t even know it I will be successful but I’ll never know it I don’t try so…wish me luck on this crazy adventure of ours and I’ll see you in my next post. BYEZ!!!!  

JYP Entertainment And Soompi Present: Rising Legends – Accepting Entries Now! | Soompi

HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!!! I'm excited to share this audition with you guys! JYP entertainment has partnered with Soompi to hold an international audition!!! ^_^ HOW COOL IS THAT?! I will be participating because as yall know I am JYP trash so...yeah and I think you all should participate too! You don't have to go to certain locations just upload a video of you on YouTube displaying you talents! For more info about the audition the link is BELOW! GOOD LUCK FUTURE IDOLS!!!







JYP Entertainment And Soompi Present: Rising Legends – Accepting Entries Now! | Soompi: Here at Soompi, we're all about giving fans opportunities to get closer to their idols. And there's nothing closer than debuting as an idol yourself! Prese

Inspirational Sunday's : THE ONLY ONE STOPPING YOU....IS YOU!

Hii Guys wassup I'm back again ha! I know haven't been posting regularly like before but I do have an awesome post coming up soon so stay tuned for that. But I just wanted to share a little info and a message today that I think EVERYONE can relate to.

So recently as of 08/13....Alex Reid (yes this Alex) is now the new leader of RaNia! 

YAAAAAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^0^ now before we start poppin bottles let's talk about why she is in the position that she is in now.

Alex was already getting work in the USA before she got casted in RaNia. She was working actively as a model, was the featured actress in music videos, has worked with top producers and writes her own songs. Now me and Alex are the same age and when news about her being in RaNia broke out while I was happy for her and her accomplishments I couldn't help but be jealous! Here we are the same age but living two completely different lifestyles. I felt like I was dealt a bad hand. I just felt like I should also be in that same position and I blamed my lack of "success" on everything I could possibility think of expect the REAL reason....me. The reason I'm not in the position she is, is because of me! I thought that I needed to be skinny, I needed a lighter skin tone, I needed straighter hair, ALL THESE THING! But really everything I needed I already have...I just never used it. Everything that I thought I needed I didn't need at all. I just wish I found out sooner. But now that I am 22 years old and I am realizing ALL of this I can't help but cry sometimes because THAT'S the difference between her and me! She has worked hard to get where she is but I barely put in that much of an effort. And I say all this because I don't want yall to do that! Instead of thinking about what you don't have use what you do have because you'll find out that what you thought you needed you already have.

Let THAT be the difference between you and somebody. Be willing to go for it! and put in the effort to get! 

I want to see ALL of you winning! Alright that's all for now I'll see yall later bye! 

Inspiration Sunday's : WRITE YOUR BEST STORIES!!!

Hii Guys!! how's it going? Well lately I have been feeling  a little down like, I am in this state a mini depression and I don't know what to do. This is going to be really hard for to me to explain but bear with me. (Also I know it's not Sunday but this couldn't wait)

Honestly, I have recently started to think about giving up on my dreams and just life in general.... that's why I haven't been on my blog in a while. I haven't felt the need to continue because...well....of a lot things. I have just been feeling really lost and I don't know what to do. I am in college right now and this is my last year and I have really big decisions to make. I will have to move out of my mom's house and live on my own and pay bills and ALL that fun stuff but....that is not really what I am scared of I guess it more of will I be able to achieve my dreams after college. You all know that I want to be a K-pop idol but that dream is coming up short now because I am 22 years old and we all know that.....okay the younger the better chances you have of becoming a K-pop idol and I feel like year by year me becoming a K-pop idol is becoming a hopeless dream now and if I am not able to become k-pop idol than....WHAT WILL I DO! I have plans of things I could do. I don't always have to go the "standard" way of becoming a K-pop idol I can do my way and still succeed BUT I don't know where to start and I don't want to make the wrong decisions....basically what I saying is I DON'T WANT TO FAIL! I don't want to feel like I wasted 22 years of my life for NOTHING! I just can't help but feel like I shouldn't have come to college I should have been more serious about my future. When I was younger I was care-free and I thought that I will never get old...but now that I am getting older I can see that I will not live forever and if I just waste my life away it would make me feel like my life was meaningless. I honestly don't know what the point was of me even coming to college! I feel like such a failure and I have had SO MANY setbacks! I just wish I knew what God's plan for me was so I can just focus on that. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have the dream that I do. Why couldn't I have wanted to be a doctor? or a lawyer? just something that's "normal" than I wouldn't be going through all this! I feel so lost at times and depressed because I don't know whats next for me, I don't know if becoming a K-pop idol is my TRUE calling or just a distraction. The next day is not guarantee you know...I just want to know what's my mission, my purpose and I feel like if I haven't figured it out by now....what's the point....I never will.

BUT I think that IS the point! Life isn't meant to be a planned thing, because let's be honest things don't always go the way you planned B) I think life is meant to be adventurous, outrageous, random, bold, and breathtaking. And I am ONLY 22 years old! if God willing I have a WHOLE life ahead of me! this isn't the end of a chapter its just the beginning! Honestly I don't know what K-pop companies are looking for. One day the could want someone that's 14 and the next day want someone that 26 WHO KNOWS?!?! it really is ALL about what they want to do for their next project so I am not going let my "age" stop me! AND even if I don't make it into a K-pop company I can say I tried and have NO REGRET! PLUS Korea isn't the only place I can become an idol! I can be a J-pop idol, a C-pop idol, and USA idol, etc... so no need to worry! B) PLUS finding "my purpose" will be a fun and adventurous journey because IT'S NOT ABOUT FINDING WHO YOU ARE, IT'S ABOUT DISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE!!!   really....who says I have to have all the answers to the questions of life right now! I don't have to rush and I can go at my own pace! I am NOT wasting my life away I am just finishing a chapter and starting a new one! I am happy that I don't have "normal" dreams it shows that I am creative, I'm free-spirited and let's be honest....the dreams won't be there if they weren't meant for me.

Alright guys, I hope this has lifted your spirits it most certainly has with mine and to all of my authors out there writing their stories. Your life is your story, so write the very best ones that you possibly can! SEE YA!!!!

Inspirational Sunday's - STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!!!

Hii Guys! I'm back with another one of these "Inspirational Sunday's". I think some people really liked the first one and it is really therapeutic for me and I think it could be therapeutic to others as well

So lately....I have been going through a little mini depression. And it's not like this is the first time this happens but I'm mad at myself because I still keep letting it happen! Lately I have been looking into starting a music career and exactly how I should go about it and trying to find out what exactly my type of "style" of music I want to make would be. So like anyone else I go to look for artist that I really like and look up to in the music industry. And one of those people that I have been getting into latley is Rihanana! Before I liked Rihanna and I thought she was a talented and pretty woman but NOW I AM OBSESSED WITH HER! I have just been looking at her stories and her success and how she got started in the music industry. Well beside her I have been looking at younger up-coming artist like Justine Skye, Kash Doll, Sevyn Streeter, etc... and I was just looking at their success and began to compare myself with them. Especially with Justine Skye, she is a year younger than me but is already WAY MORE successful than I am right now. I also started to compare myself with Alex of RANIA and looking at her success and we are the SAME AGE!!! I'm not gonna lie I go jealous because.....THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME!!! If I worked hard enough, if I was more active in the industry, if I had more connections....that could have been me. I just....I feel like ALL THESE YEARS I've just been wasting time! Time that I could have put into my career...I'm 21 going to be 22 this year and I'm already SOOOO LATE in the game I don't even feel like I'll catch up... I feel like I've been so lazy because I've been slacking up on missed opportunities. To tell you the truth...I feel that way right now... and I know I shouldn't compare myself to other because...these are ALL DIFFERENT LIVES and I can't compare my hustle to next hustle. They just worked with what they had and that's why they have the success the have. I just gotta work with what I got and get my success as well BUT I just wish that it didn't take this long for to find that out.

Because I have grown up in a small town and if you want to be in the entertainment business there aren't a lots of opportunities for that where I'm from. And my mother doesn't know anything about the business. She didn't have connections or anything like that. She was a single mom trying to provide for family. She didn't really have the time or the money to do stuff like that. Plus, since she didn't know anything about the business she couldn't give me any advice on how to go about it. But she always supported me in dreams and she always keep me motivated to continue to do it. So as a child I never thought that my dreams could be possible. I knew I wanted to be a pop-star like Rihanna and Beyonce but I didn't know how to go about and I lacked resources so I just never had it as an option. But it wasn't until I got into K-pop and seeing that I could go to auditions and they could train me to become a pop-star and that was the only time that I thought my dream could be somewhat possible and I could make it an actual reality. So I have been auditioning for several companies now and I'm still auditioning but its getting to the point where I am just becoming very IMPATIENCE! Idols are starting to debut at younger and younger ages so that alone makes me feel like..."WHAT EXACTLY AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!?!?" and I'm just start to feel....OLD.....I feel old and I feel like if I haven't made it by now than there is no more need in trying anymore.

BUT you know what?! I HAVE TO STOP COMPARING MYSELF WITH OTHERS!!!! Everyone's life is different and God has different plans for ALL OF US! So what he has in store for me is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than what he has for someone else. What God gave them was THEIR blessing and now I have to get MY OWN blessing. I can't compare myself. When I do that I just like I am stuck in time and the world is just leaving behind............................... But I know better now that I can't compare myself to someone else. They live a completely different life, and had completely different opportunities. They worked hard so I have to work hard too. ^_^

Inspirational quotes of the day is.....

“You will be bitter in life, when you compare yourself with others.Run the race of life at your own pace.” 
                 ― Lailah Gifty Akita

“Comparison is the death of joy.” 
                 ― Mark Twain

“I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.” 
                 ― Daisaku Ikeda, Discussions on Youth

“People have one thing in common; they are all different.”
                ~ Robert Zend


“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.” 
                 ~ Doris Mortman

Lesson to learn:

You may think everyone is better than you are, but you are only seeing the image they portray to others. Everyone has their own fears and weaknesses — after all, we're all human. Stop comparing yourself to others, because you'll always come up short.

Inspirational Songs of Today is....

Ashlee Simpson - Shadow

Rihanna - Diamonds

Fantasia - I Believe

Kirk Franklin - Stomp

Jill Scott - Golden

So there you go...I hope you are healthy, loved and safe. Have a wonderful week ^_^